We Deserve Peace, Within Us, Among Us!
Miracles to debacles, each instance in our lives teaches us important lessons. Been told a dozen of quadruple times of a billion that I tend to think a lot over little things, I began working to understand my own self better. No, there was no psychoanalysis involved, just being a little more cautious of my actions and words. It took time, but today, I feel peaceful.
Recently I was thinking (here I think again!) of the reasons why I was always pondering over little things. There is a slight disagreement with a friend, we fight, we make up, everything is back to normal again, I come back home and think over the whys and hows and what-nexts all over again! Not required right? But I did. It took some time, but I gradually worked myself out to understand the uselessness of over thinking when the problem is already resolved. I shall handle any problem as it comes, and never bring it home. I promised myself. Sorted. Peace with self.
Another instance. A friend misbehaves, I ignore. Again, ignored. Yet again, subtly communicated in masked words, being careful not to hurt their sentiments. Yet one more time, and it begins to bother; hence communicated in as many words. The friend does not seem to understand what exactly is being communicated. Result: I am hurt, my friend becomes impervious to my complaints and ultimately, the friendship suffers to a certain degree. How do I handle this?
There are two solutions to this: Number 1 — Communicate. This works for most of the cases. Understand how to make the friend aware of their hurtful actions and talk it out. Yes, it is important to be mindful and prepared for tantrums, arguments and blame-games, but this is only in the beginning. As we talk it over, the heated wars cool down and the conversation becomes empathetic and understanding. Beware; drop the ego home before taking this step for a high success rate.
Number 2 — Let it be. This is for the cases where there is no change in the situation even after repeated communication. We are trying to talk and the other person is unwilling to listen or understand. What do we do? Simple, understand what’s important first. If the person is important, try again, subtly yet firmly. Place your point, convey the hurt, and communicate the feeling. Once. Twice. Thrice. If there is no change in the manner the friend behaves, it’s better to tell them how everyone has a certain threshold to which they can be accommodating. Convey how and why their behaviour is so bothersome in utmost honesty. Clean the table and lay out emotion in the open.
Now is it for them to understand the gravity and importance of the situation. Either they would make an effort to mend the situation or choose to ignore. For in the former, it’s great; but in the latter situation, it’s even greater. Why? It tells us where the other person places us in their lives, our importance and value. For if the other person is unwilling to understand despite repeated attempts, there is less chance they would any soon. While there is always hope, it is better to not stress out on this. Because we have conveyed our concern, it’s for them to act on it. There is nothing to lose sleep over this, give them time to absorb the love, understand our concern and respect our being and friendship.
Get the load off your chest, communicate. Drop the ball in their court and see how they respond. For the love, the care and the concern, all remains. Before we achieve peace with them, it’s important we are at peace with our own selves. We deserve Peace, within self and among ourselves.
— © Sanjhi Agarwal
